Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Santa doesn't Counterfeit - Death by Q-tip

Santa is NOT a Government Agent

 
Reece is my Chatty-Patty. He NEVER runs out of things to say. Personally, I think it's a miracle he doesn't get struck with Laryngitis.
 
Kaelan, on the other hand, is very straight forward. Talking is not my favourite game - so I'll tell you what I want to say and you'll LIKE IT!
 
Their Dad and I take the boys Christmas shopping and to see Santa. It was VERY exciting! We were so lucky, no big line up - whoo hoo!
 
"Who's going first?"
 
Oh, the PRESSURE! After the you, no-you! Kaelan gets up there with his reindeer antlers. He's all good-to-go!
 
"What do you want for Christmas?" asks Santa.
 
" Plants VS Zombies plushies." And he's ALL DONE, no dilly-dally. Mission accomplished!
 
Reece goes up to Santa, settles on his lap...and for the first time in his life - draws a big blank on what to say! AWWW!
 
"I'll have to think about it," he says.
 
Poor guy! We ask him about it after:
 
"I wanted a diamond, but I don't think Santa makes money. He has to work for the government to be able to do that."
 

Whoopin' it Up

 
So, I have been the Queen of Sick for two months. This is why I now deserve a title, and possibly a tasteful crown... Although I would not say no to a completely gaudy tiara. (Let it not be said that I am too picky!)
 
Friday I get a call from my Mom - who informs me she is still the boss of me. (Who knew? My kids were right!) She insists I go to her clinic (oh yeah - the boss-of-me gets ownership. At least there's no peeing involved there, lol). "You need a Whooping cough test."
 
"No, I don't." (Like that EVER works! But I'm desperate, and childish, and I have NO shame).
 
"Yes, you do. I told the doctor. He agrees, so come down right now."
 
"No I don't. (Yeah, cause I just received my imaginary doctorate.) I already had every possible test - and x-rays!" Personally I think once you've been irradiated, you should be fabulous... After all, you had to wear the "outfit".
 
"See you in five minutes."
 
And like THAT - she wins!!! I want that superpower... And a cape. And maybe some sparkles.
 
So I do as I'm told, because if she's the boss, maybe she can still spank. You never know - it wasn't illegal back then.
 
I go in, the gloating was minimal - but don't think I didn't see that glimmer in her eye. I'm told to lay down... Darn (and eek!) he's got some kinda tube and I'm CLUELESS.
 
"Are you ready?"
 
"That all depends on what you're going to do to me."
 
"I'm going to swab your nasal passage (EWWW), and I have to go all the way to your nasal cavity (WTF?!?!). So it's not going to be pleasant."
 
Please note: when a doctor says this - RUN like your ass is on FIRE.
 
Y'all - I had my brain roto-routered. Yuck and WTF!!! Tears are running down my face, I'm lying down and thinking "don't friggin' cough or you'll DIE!!! Death by giant Q-tip, how's that going to look in the paper?"
 
He's done, yells out the door (because privacy is no biggie in a small town) "She lived, but just barely!"
 
Holy shit.
 

Pickin' Your Brain

 
My brother, Dennis, likes to do magic tricks for the kids once in awhile.
"Can you pull my watch out of my ear?" Kaelan begs my brother - aka: Farmer Dumbledore.
 
Ever the entertainer, he "crams" the watch into my son's head - thrilling him to no end!
 
"Do you see his watch?" Dennis asks Reece.
 
"Yes, I do!" Reece exclaims.
 
"Where?"
 
"Waaay down in the middle..." Reece mutters as he's squished against Kaelan's skull, peering intently.
 
"Hey! Don't pull out my brain!" yells Kaelan.
 
Oh, the dangers of amateur magic...
 
 
 
 

1 comment:

  1. Lol! Yeah, you were never going to win that argument with your mother. I'm pretty sure the Mum superpower gets stronger with time.

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