Tuesday, 16 July 2013

My name is Terry and I'm addicted to my damn iPhone and I hate stairs so I'm never getting past Step 1...

Say What?

 
My oldest son recently had his backpack stolen from the public swimming pool. In his pack were his three favorite stuffies he would take EVERYWHERE. These were more than just toys - they were his best friends.
 
Kaelan lost Connor, his parrot; Black Bat, a big fat stuffie bat; and Golden Birden Owl, a small stuffed bird that wasn't really an owl. It was a VERY traumatic day for him.
 
Connor came from a toy store very far away and my out-of-province Aunt immediately raced to pick up another parrot. This was the sweetest gesture EVER!
 
We then had a family reunion (great timing) and Kaelan was very surprised when presented with a new, large Red Macaw Parrot.
 
This one was different - but he loved it immediately! He named it Randalf  (after a character on Veggie Tales).
 
Randalf went with Kaelan everywhere during our reunion/camping trip, flapping with excitement. To bed, to meals...
 
"Randalf the Red Macock is hungry," Kaelan tells me - as Randalf flaps his wings in my face.
 
...Ummm, now that we're happy - perhaps we need to work on vocabulary.
 

Bow to Me

 
During our reunion/camping trip it rained... I come from the land of DRY - so I figure it rained and rained and rained again - like mother nature was PMS-ing and all out of Midol. So we hid...under the awning and in the trailer and tried to entertain ourselves like the awesome people we are (can't mold us out motherfucking rain!).
 
My sons decided on playing cards during one of the zillion bouts of rain. Being the peaceful sort of boys they are, they played War.
 
It was severely entertaining watching Reece teach and play the game with Kaelan. 
 
Who won?
 
"I have denominated you 'cause I have a King," Reece explains to Kaelan.
 

And THIS Explains why You Don't Listen...

 
Kaelan and I are driving to the city in our SUV one lovely afternoon (just in case you needed a weather report - you're welcome). We start heading down a large hill when he growls and grabs his ears.
 
"Ugh! My ears are corked! I hate it when my ears are corked," he tells me.
 
Ummm...
 
"I hate it when your ears are corked, too."
 

So Glorious

 
My youngest son loves playing Minecraft on his iPad. He builds intricate buildings...and he really hates it when I poke my finger at the pad to add flowers or blocks of grass in inappropriate places (picky-picky).
 
Reece is playing away, muttering to himself in the living room. I've already been in trouble for interfering with fake chickens at this point (chickens DON'T need extra flowers).
 
Suddenly Reece waves his iPad in the air at us excitedly.
 
"I'm melting the snow with my glorious torches!"
 

You know you have "ISSUES" when...

 
These would be the ALL CAPS kind of issues - yes indeedy.
 
You know boredom has become a serious problem when you can't handle those small quiet moments and compulsively resort to playing Bejeweled. Not so bad...wait for it.
 
It becomes an "ISSUE" when it's a SERIOUS decision whether or not to continue your last game or just start a new game. Seriously, I have to CONSIDER this - waste not want not, or was the last game going really well?
 
It's a bigger "ISSUE" when you're severely pissed at yourself for making a lousy Bejeweled move and possibly fucking up your game.
 
"Shit! I didn't WANT to smash those three little fuckers yet. Now I can't make my move to get the sparkly bejewel!"
 
Oh. My. God. Somebody get me a life - STAT!