When Hooked on Phonics Goes Wrong
It's that time of year again, the back to school shop-a-thon. It's exhausting and requires refueling so we decided on a time-out in the mall food court.
On the table is a stand-up brochure for diamond jewelry that draws Reece's attention like a moth to a flame. My little man does love his shiny things. He's examining the advertisement with a scowl of concentration.
"I cannot believe they put carrots in these!" he sputters, waving the ad in the air.
"Oh yes, carrots are great for everything. The more the merrier," I tell him.
Carrots - carats...true with both, anyway.
Yell-a-Vision...for Squid Attacks
and other Important Televised Events
I watched an amazing show the other day on squids. I don't usually watch documentaries (call me uneducated - but do it in a fancy way so I don't get it, okay?) but this one was awesome. All it needed was one thing, YELL-A-VISION (someone get me a patent).
Forget the smell-a-vision people, yell-a-vision is where it's at. I'm one of those people who needs to scream at the TV when people are being morons. It would be SO much more satisfying if it was interactive. Fucking brilliant, right?
On the squid show there was this man explaining how they were filming these squids at night, how five divers went down and only four came up. Then they had to search for the lost man for a long time - eventually he popped up all bloody and covered in squid hickeys.
Hickey man explained his experience. How he was watching the squids and it grabbed his flipper and he just WATCHED, thinking fascinating. And I'm yelling "Swim away!"
Then it grabs his arm and he does...NOTHING. And I'm screaming "What's wrong with you, you hippy - smack that squid!"
Then the squids drag him down 150 feet! AFTER they rip off his gold necklace he decides to fight back!
And I'm totally yelling "About time! What are you waiting for? The squid to steal your lunch money? You had to wait for it to take your PRETTY?!"
See what I mean? Yell-A-Vision could give some satisfaction in this situation...
Attack of the Man Eating Hamster
I took my boys on a Mercy-Slurpie-Delivery to their sister's today. Her son had been recovering from a fever (and since a Slurpie can fix anything we made it a double).
While we were there Holly introduced us to Wilbur, their new hamster.
"I only like cats and dogs," Kaelan informed her when offered a chance to hold Wilbur.
Reece, however, was thrilled! He couldn't wait to hold Wilbur.
"Does he bite?" he asked.
"No, he's never bitten anyone," Holly answered.
Reece is holding him very gently when suddenly he yelps "Ow! He bit me!"
Holly saved her brother from the killer hamster. We get Reece cleaned up and he asks more questions about Wilbur.
"Has he had his shots? Why did he bite me?"
"Maybe you smelled like food," Holly guessed.
"Well, what does he eat?"
"Little boys," I tell him.
"Banana, sunflower seeds, nuts," his sister informed him.
"Maybe you smelled like Cheerios," I guess.
"I bet that's it. I'll bring him some next time," Reece tells me.
Mommies, Mommies Everywhere
"Mommy?" Kaelan calls out to me as I'm sitting just out of his line of sight on the couch.
"Whoa!" he yelps, startled. "You're everywhere!"
That's right...you just remember that when you become a teenager.
The Circumference of a Circle doesn't Involve Eye Liner...Who Knew?
"I've been playing with my cosmetology set," Reece informs me.
This is a bit of a surprise as I don't remember buying my 9 year-old son a make-up kit... I am, however, low on eye-liner.
"Pardon me?" I manage to respond when I can finally open my mouth without giggling.
"See? My set that Dad gave me with all the rulers," he explains as he points to the table.
"Oh! Your GEOMETRY set!"
Whew! Although that means I'm still low on eye-liner.