Sunday, 13 October 2013

Your kids will get you in the end...


Embarrassing Shopping Moment Number...
shit, I've lost count

There are reasons parents hate grocery shopping. There are also reasons for the chillin' music while you shop. They TELL you it's so you'll stay, shop longer and spend all your money. I'm thinking the mind numbing music is so they don't have a disastrous cleanup on Aisle Five when parents lose their minds and go on a rampage.

"What do we use to chop people's heads off?" Kaelan asks me.


"I don't chop peoples heads off," I clarify for him (and everyone else shopping).


WE indeed, as a lady checking out the cookies has frozen in mid-reach and is trying not to laugh.


"And let's not talk about this here... Not matter how entertaining it is for other shoppers."


Because I Can...


Who's a pretty pumpkin? And who hates me? And who smells delightful (apparently like pumpkin spice). 


What a Waste of Wings, Clucky


I get grilled like a game show contestant on a regular basis, but lately I feel like I am running out of the RIGHT answers.

My boys and I are watching Rio and Kaelan is loving it. All those flappy birds in the show and he is in heaven.

"Do chickens have wings?" Kaelan suddenly asks me without looking away from the movie.

"Yes."

"Do they fly?"

"No, they don't," and I feel like I'm close to the next level on a game show (exciting).

"Then why do they have wings?"

Shit! Now I'll lose my chance to win that Samsonite luggage.

"...For eating...with hotsauce."

*This post was done on my iPad - crazy! Let's hope it works...

Monday, 7 October 2013

Don't freshen your breath this way...

Forget the Tomato rating,
how many Thumbs is it?

 
My youngest son once informed us he was an Eggitarian. When I asked if this meant he was going to only eat eggs (which he absolutely despises), he huffily informed me that it meant he did NOT eat eggs...at all. So I informed the Eggitarian he had to eat them once in awhile, it's brain food.
 
Now I hide eggs in cheese and salsa to hide their yummy goodness - my Eggitarian is not always amused. Thank God it's not the dreaded egg day for him very often.
 
This was the Evil Egg Day and it was dragging out at the table.
 
"How's the eggs?" I ask Reece.
 
"Good," he answers with a grimace.
 
"They're good!" says his brother happily - he loves eggs. "Three thumbs up."
 
"Three thumbs up, huh?"
 
"Yup, three thumbs up. Maybe four."
 

Breakfast Secrety Message

 
My breakfast sent me a secret message. I'm pretty sure it wanted me to share it - you're welcome.
 

Not to be Taken Internally

 
My son's recently started wearing deodorant. Kaelan complained of smelling like soup (and that should completely turn you off of THAT for awhile) so we've leveled up the manliness - hence the pit stick.
 
This evening Reece has a shower, comes out and I remind him to go put on his deodorant.
 
He dances out of the bathroom all excited, waving his arms in the air.
 
"Guess what? I put on my deodorant and now my breath smells fresh!" he announces.
 
I couldn't hold back, I choked and laughed until I cried. AND since I have a horrible cold I had icky cough attacks all throughout this.
 
When I was almost done dying, Reece realized his mistake.
 
"I meant I put deodorant on my armpits so they wouldn't smell like soup."
 
I love that kid, soupy smell and all.
 

Some Things you Correct Immediately
then you give up because it's ridiculous

 
It was our weekend party night and time for movie/supper fun with my boys. I let them pick out the supper - it was corn dogs, tater tots, pickles and Dr. Pepper (fancy, yes?).
 
"I forgot how hard it is to eat a corn dog," Reece tells me.
 
"It's not hard," Kaelan argues (because this is what we do - argue, not eat corn dogs professionally).
 
"What do you know? You haven't eaten any of yours yet. All you've tried are your tater turds."
 
"Tots!" I yell into the middle of this (because I am NOT having my son going to school telling them Mom made him eat tater turds for dinner).
 
"Oh yeah, tater tots."
 
If Kaelan stops being willing to eat them because of this someone will be in the big turd.
 
Update! One Week Later
 
Reece is jumping up from his plate to inspect what's happening on their movie up close and personal on the television set.
 
"Are you all done yet, bud?" I ask (one of those trick questions we Moms ask knowing you're not done and you should get your ass back to the table).
 
"No, I still have five tater turds left."
 
Now, I gave up arguing...