Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Mornings bring out my inner warned

Scariest Backseat Driver EVER

We went Halloween shopping for costumes. Driving home I almost fucking died as I'm going down the highway and see JUST this in my rearview mirror.
Happy Halloween motherfucker.

Get a Lawyer, Shorty

I thought being the Mom made me the law-of-the-land, but I was wrong. Why? Because I have a Mom, she is the boss of me and my kids know this. And I have one word for this: Shit.
I am doing errands with my boys after school when I ask the dreaded question.
"Does anyone have homework?"
"I do, I have reading," Reece tells me.
"I don't," Kaelan tells me.
This is not unusual. Kaelan often doesn't have homework but we have him work on learning ANYWAY...because we're awesome that way...and we know he can do ANYTHING...and he's catching up in a fantabulous way.
"Then you can do some math when we get home," I inform him as we pull up to the bank.
Inside the bank he tells me "I already did math at school."
"Well, you can do some more!" I announce in my uuber chipper voice.
We're headed back home and he's grumbling. "Why do I have to do math?"
"So you can learn fractions and things like that."
"You hate math," he points out (rather surprisingly).
Personally I think it sucks ass sideways through a straw when your kids throw things like LOGIC at you.
"We're not talking about me."
"...Is Grandma home?"
"Why? Do you want to appeal to a higher power?" I ask.
"I appeal...I'm asking Grandma."

It's ALL about Accessorizing

Reece was the Emperor of Evil for Halloween. He was totally excited about his costume. Very Grim Reaper-y.
"I think my favorite accessory is my scythe," he tells me.
"It really makes my outfit."

Home Security Advertising that can be Taken Two Ways

"If any monsters or zombies come I'll whack 'em in the head like an old man!" Reece tells me, swinging his scythe wildly on the way to bed.

Sometimes Nobody Listens...

and it's Still a Win

It's a school morning, so it's the usual poke and prod and nag-nag-nag to get everyone ready. This time of day really does bring out the tyrannical side of a parent's personality as we crush democracy and want to scream JUST DO IT ALREADY!
So we our head.
ANYWAYS - now we're behind and I'm trying to get Kaelan's zipper done up on his coat. I'm having the damndest time trying to get it put together. Kaelan, on the other hand, is having a delightful time flapping my hair in my face as he chatters away.
"Could you stop flapping me, please? I can't see to get this done up," I ask (trying not to laugh - I might inhale my hair).
He stops, looking offended.
"I'm not flattening anyone," he informs me.
Well, other than not hearing me right, that's probably still a win - yes?
ZIP! "There! Have a great day at school. I love you and don't flatten anybody."
"Okay Mom!"

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