Christmas is either a Rip-off
or Elves might be really Scary
Two words: hearing issues. This is the cause of much entertainment and distress in our house lately. Although I am mega-glad it's no longer just me with the issues (at least those issues).
We're seated at dinner when Reece asks me "What's a conman?"
"It's a crook," I answer.
"It's a Santa," Kaelan tells him at the SAME TIME.
Now I'm laughing my ass off and imagining somebody getting less in his stocking for that comment.
"She said a conman was an Orc," Reece corrects his brother.
"Did he just say Santa was an Orc?" I ask my Mom, completely baffled - yet wildly amused (and totally screwed for presents by laughing at this).
Oh my God, we all need to clean our ears.
My oldest son has been sick with croup so I've been driving Reece to school rather than have him walk all by his lonely self. Reece is just about ready when we decide on this.
"I guess I have to go put on pants then," I tell him.
"Yeah," he says all serious, like I'm going to go driving him in the snow in my jammies and a robe.
"THAT'S true love, Reece - putting on pants."
Write that shit down, that's gold. True love is putting on pants...
Gender Confused Reindeer
get Cold Feet, too
I love the Christmas movie Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I know it's old, but it's one of the best Christmas shows of ALL TIME. Being a Rudolph addict, we have Bumbles, Yukon Cornelius, and Rudolph's around the house to Christmasify the place. We play the reindeer games, yo.
I bought a great big Rudolph and Kaelan loves him! He takes him on drives, to bed, around the house. He's no misfit here.
"Hey Mommy, come see this," Kaelan calls me from downstairs while I'm making breakfast one morning.
All the giggling has me wondering, not to mention apprehensive.
"What is it?" I ask as I lean waaaay around the corner.
"Look! Reindeers need slippers," he informs me.
"Wow! That's fantastic!"
"Now she won't get cold feet," he says.
"I bet she won't. I love it!"
"Rudolph loves slippers, too."
I had NO idea...that reindeer got cold feet or that Rudolph was a girl.
New Emoticons may Simplify Life
Sometimes your buds ask you how you're doing...and maybe they shouldn't. They'd have regrets - or sore ribs from laughing at you.
And then I Pee Stalked the Dog
I have reached an entirely new level of creepy, but it was for a GOOD CAUSE (although that's probably what they all say in court).
My Mom was concerned something was wrong with one of our dogs due to a reddish piddle on the floor.
Then she went to the city for the day.
So I went out in the SNOW and PEE STALK the dogs when they went potty (to see who was the "Red Piddler", not for giggles) - and they stared at me all judgemental-like.
The next day she admits that the spot was only spilled fruit juice from one of my boys...so I was the pee stalker for NOTHING.
And then I poured fruit juice on her - in my head.